Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What to Do About My Wedding Band?: The End

Hokay, FIRST of all?! I miss you so much, Hive! Not even kidding, I was overcome with glee when I cracked open the ol' wedding blog to write this post. YAY! WEDDINGBEE!

Okay, but actually, I decided to drop by because I thought I should share the wrap-up of the saga of my wedding band, since you all were so helpful throughout the entire bummer of a process. The conclusion I eventually came to about the whole thing is not quite what I thought it would be, but it's a conclusion nonetheless, so here goes.

If you weren't around at the time I wrote about this, or forgot what happened, here's a semi-quick recap of my wedding band situation:

* I felt a little lost about what kind of wedding band to wear. In order to get the flush-fit look (which I like), I would need a ring with a significant dent in it (which I don't like). Then, I decided to wear my engagement ring on my right hand, and pick out whatever kind of wedding ring struck my fancy for my left hand.

* My parents gave me a gift certificate to a jeweler in my hometown, and I went to him seeking a custom ring in the delicate, floral filigree style I had come to love.

Image via Fay Cullen.

* The jeweler indicated that he could create something like what I was envisioning and sent me some sketches.

* Surprise! Two days before the wedding, we picked up the ring and discovered that the jeweler actually couldn't really bring the idea I had to life!

* Given the time crunch, I had no choice but to use the ring in our wedding ceremony. I tried to convince myself to like it, but really, I knew all along that it was not what I wanted.

* I returned the ring for a full refund (because, I think, the jeweler also knew all along that it was not what I wanted), and I had to decide where to go from there. The original ring I loved was very expensive, but I hadn't really seen anything that I liked as much.

So here we are, eight months (!!!) past our wedding, and I guess you could say I've finally answered the question of What To Do About My Wedding Band? Answer: for the time being, I'm not getting a wedding ring at all.

I didn't have any kind of lightning-bolt moment where I thought, EUREKA! I'm not going to wear a wedding ring! It just sort of happened. After the wedding, I felt no urgency to replace my custom-made hot mess. Like, none. It rarely-to-never crossed my mind. I very occasionally thought, "I guess I should find a new wedding band now..." and half-heartedly searched a little and gave up. Because here's the thing: I love my engagement ring. I LOVE it. I have been wearing it for over two years now, and my torrid love affair with it shows no signs of diminishing in passion. I guess I just felt that I already HAVE a ring, given to me by Mr. Octo, which I love and adore and think is a beautiful fabulous dazzling aquamarine dream, that is symbolic of our commitment. I don't really need or want another one. So....there you go.

I voiced this aloud for the first time last month, when we were visiting my parents and my mom asked if I was ever going to get a wedding ring. I explained that no, actually, I didn't think I wanted one--I love wearing my engagement ring, and it serves basically the same symbolic purpose as a wedding band, so I just didn't feel any desire to spend money on a new ring. Then, I gave a little side-eye to Mr. Octo, who was also hearing me say this for the first time. What did he think of his wife not wearing a wedding ring? He responded exactly how I anticipated he would: "Whatevs. Doesn't matter me one way or another, as long as you're happy."

(Incidentally, Mr. Octo also has not been wearing a wedding band for the past five months....because he lost his. He stuck it in his back pocket to do the dishes one night, then also stuck his wallet in the same pocket. He forgot to put his ring back on, then went out to do some errands. In the process of doing his errands, he moved his wallet several times, and by the time he got back home, the ring was long gone. I am not upset about this. There was a strategy behind our mutual decision to "invest" in the cheapest, simplest, most easily replaceable wedding ring available on I know my man.)

I'm not sure if this is a really unusual decision, but I've grown to feel very comfortable with it. At first, I sometimes thought to myself, "but how will people know I'm married?" Well, I know I'm married, he knows I'm married, everyone who knows me in even a remotely personal way knows that I'm married. And strangers? The engagement ring is a pretty big clue, I guess, and my use of the word "husband" is a dead giveaway, and why would strangers even need to know my marital status anyway? Long story short: I've realized that it does not particularly matter to either my husband or me whether or not people can tell by looking at my hand that I'm married, so I guess that's that.

I haven't decided that I'll never wear a wedding ring or anything; if I fall in love with a beautiful ring that we can afford, I imagine this story will end up with a big fat postscript. (Also, we will definitely replace Mr. Octo's wedding ring sometime soon.) But for now, I feel perfectly happy as a one-ring lady. We could call wedgagement band? That works, right?

So there you go--the end of the story (for now)! Prince William and I have both made rather unconventional wedding ring choices; anybody else?

(P.S. I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I love the hive. I miss you. I LOVE YOU! OKAY BYE.)